so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
