im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
