Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize