So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
