You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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