I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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