the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
