i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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