He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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