I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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