Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize