Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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