the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
