WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
