im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
YAS. BRING CRAB.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
