they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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