got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
