My room smells like vodka and shame
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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