I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
being pregnant is like rehab
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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