when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize