working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
