perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
