When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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