I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
