I saw his package. It spoke to me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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