First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
