Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
