I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
