Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
