I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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