I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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