That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
