I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
2020 sucks, I want a refund
the raccoons are back...
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