I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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