she woke up with a sticky ear
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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