I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
