why didn't you poke me back
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
