My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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