He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
