Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
