How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
