I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize