What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
