I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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