Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
