is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
