just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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