I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
