Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
