You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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