He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
