im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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