Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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