Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
