If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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