I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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