Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
