god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Who died my cat blue again?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Come on in and take your pants off
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