What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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