Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
