i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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