Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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