Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
