I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
