i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
