The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
that is very illegal...i love you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
