Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
