And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
