So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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