no, he came in my armpit
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
