I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
