He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We don't watch enough power rangers
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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