apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
