Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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