so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
