Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
