she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
