Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
