You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
