Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
