Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is the high leading the old right now
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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