he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
