Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize