She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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