Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
