hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
