No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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