Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
