last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize