Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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