so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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