Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize