What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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