There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
