i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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