I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
