i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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