Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
