I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
