yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize