My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
