Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize